Health Guide

What to do about perfectionism

Well, the first step is to realize that perfection is an illusion that is unattainable. The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel perfectionism. Some of the following strategies may help:

• Set realistic and reachable goals based on your own wants and needs and what you've accomplished in the past. This will enable you to achieve and also will lead to a greater sense of self-esteem.

• Experiment with your standards for success. Choose any activity and instead of aiming for 100%, try for 90%, 80% or even 60% success. This will help you to realize that world does not end when you're not perfect.

• Focus on the process of doing an activity not just on the end result. Evaluate your success not only in terms of what you've accomplished but also in terms of how much you enjoyed your task. You know what? There can be value in the process of pursuing a goal.

• Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, " Have I set up impossible expectations for myself in this situation?"

• Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself," What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?"

• Recognize that many positive things can be learnt from the mistakes you make. Whenever you commit a blunder just ask yourself, What can I learn from this experience?

In the end, I'll just like to say that perfectionists often under-perform in all areas of life. Flexible thinkers on the other hand tend to be more successful, happier and more balanced!

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Why the perfectionist attitude?

Why are you a perfectionist? Well, it is likely that you believe that other people value you on the basis of your achievements and accomplishments. As a consequence, you value yourself on the basis of other people's approval. This can leave you vulnerable and excessively sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. In a bid to protect yourself from such criticism, you decide that being perfect is your only defense.

A number of other negative feelings, thoughts and beliefs can also be associated with perfection. Lets explore these also:

Fear of failure: Perfectionists often equate their failure to achieve goals with a lack of personal worth or value.

Fear of making mistakes: Making mistakes means failure for perfectionists. They orient their lives around avoiding mistakes.

Fear of disapproval: Perfectionists try to be best in every thing they undertake so that they can protect themselves from criticism, rejection and disapproval.

Overemphasis on "shoulds": Perfectionists lives are often structured by an endless list of "shoulds". Infact this rigid set of "shoulds" rule their lives and they rarely take into account their wants and desires.

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The vicious cycle of perfectionism!

Picture this! These two employees in an office are assigned the same task and the same deadline. Ritu does her best and leaves at 6.00 p.m, whistling. Saumitra, on the other hand, rewrites, deletes, restarts again, checks his work endlessly and finally leaves the office at 8.00 p.m, still unhappy with his final result. The difference? Well, Ritu is a flexible thinker while Saumitra is a perfectionist.

Like Saumitra, do you also feel that what you accomplish is never quite good enough? Do you often put off turning in papers and projects, waiting to get them just right? Do you feel that you must give more than 100% on everything you do? Well, psychologists believe that perfectionism is an increasing problem both at workplace and at home. Read on

The vicious cycle of perfectionism!

There's nothing wrong in striving to do the best in whatever you undertake. However, the key is to know your limitations and not go overboard. Some people try to be perfectionists in every sphere of their life with potentially fatal results. Their attitude sets them into a motion of a vicious cycle. Wondering how?

Well, this is how. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals. Second, they fail to meet these unachievable goals. Third, the constant pressure to achieve perfection and the inevitable failure reduces their productivity and effectiveness. Fourth, this cycle leads perfectionists to be self-critical and with a lowered self-esteem. It may lead to anxiety and depression. Infact, studies have linked perfectionism with depression, stress and even suicide.

Of course, you're not likely to die in the pursuit of perfection, but a constant cycle of striving, failure and self-criticism does create stress, which floods the blood with stress hormones. These can impair your immune system, making you more vulnerable to everything from the flu to hypertension. Since the perfectionists expect others to be perfect too, they end up having more arguments, more broken relationships and more stress in their day-to-day life.

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